Do Recovering Boozers Secretly Plan To Drink Again?

Imagine that you love pizza. Not just love pizza, but LOVE pizza. It makes you a bit chubby, but it’s worth it for the taste and the way it makes you feel. You love pizza so much that you even plan your life around it – you let it dictate how you spend your time. You sometimes even take a day off sick just so that you can stay at home and eat pizza. Mmmm you love that tasty goddamn pizza. But then you hit your mid-thirties and BLAM!… Continue reading

Am I Part Of A Secretive Derren Brown Booze Recovery Experiment?

Me and the fiancee went to see Derren Brown live last at the Royal & Derngate theater in Northampton. I’ve seen his stuff on telly before and was always a bit of a sceptic, but last year I was dragged along to see him live in Milton Keynes and subsequently had my brain properly melted by his insanely baffling magical fuckery. It blew my mind a bit, and I loved it, so I wasn’t going to miss a chance to catch him again on his latest tour, entitled Underground, when it came through our neighbouring town Northampton.

Continue reading

Guest Blog: I’ve Been Pissed Or Drugged For 27 Years

When I first left school I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life (still don’t really), and so I followed my school mates into engineering training. Engineering turned out to not be the career I wanted, so I ditched it, but whilst I was training I made a few good friends. One of these was Float, a lad who is the same age as me (37ish as this is written), and who also grew up in West Yorkshire. He was Halifax, I was Mirfield then Huddersfield. Continue reading

Number Of The Beast

Today it’s exactly 666 days since I last drank any booze. I get married in 2 months so I’ll be celebrating the 2 year mark on my honeymoon. Pretty fitting I reckon, considering that I wouldn’t be getting married had I still been drinking. I was a different person – not particularly the marrying type – but also no woman in her right mind would have wanted to marry that guy. Skint, sweaty, selfish, paranoid, unhealthy… dashingly handsome though so, you know, every cloud an that.

Continue reading

A Huge Cannon

That’s what I’ve always wanted, really. A huge cannon surrounded by an Alton Towers-esque fenced queuing system, where I can send endless processions of bad drivers to slowly shuffle their way towards the front of the pack. At the front they would be gently but efficiently loaded into the huge barrel by a squad of highly trained and super-friendly staff. Continue reading

Punk In Drublic

I read a lot of stuff about quitting drinking, especially blog posts and stuff shared on social media about people’s own experiences of trying to quit. One thing that pops up quite a lot seems to be negative pressure; friends and family trying to convince the quitter that their problem isn’t really that bad, and that they should stop all this silliness and just have a drink like everyone else. This has NEVER happened to me, which must be a testament to the awesome company I keep. Man, if a friend tried to convince me that I was in the wrong for choosing to dodge the booze, or tried to guilt me in to getting drunk with them, I would have no choice but to stand tall and do the manly thing. I’d secretly pay someone to hit them for me.

Continue reading

Easter Sober Musings

In a few months I’ll have been sober for two years. It’s flown by, but the changes have been huge – and it feels a bit surreal when I look back at drunk Jon and his antics (the chubby scamp). In comparison life appears to have become quite ‘normal’. I keep fit, I visit friends, I go to gigs, I watch movies, I wash my car (okay that one’s a lie – I pay these local Polish guys to do it), I read books, and I’ve even grown up a bit and bought a flat with the missus. Continue reading

Seedlip

Last week I received some samples of Seedlip, which is described on their website as so:

Seedlip is a range of the world’s first distilled non-alcoholic spirits based on the distilled non-alcoholic remedies from The Art of Distillation written in 1651 and now re-purposed to pioneer a new category of drinks to solve the ‘what to drink when you’re not drinking dilemma’.

Back in my drinking days I could have never imagined anything more pointless than alcohol-free versions of classically alcoholic drinks, however I changed my tune on becoming sober, and these days I genuinely enjoy a chilled alcohol-free beer of an evening, and sometimes even alcohol-free wine is alright with a nice meal or whatever. These are drinks that taste nice though, and I don’t recall spirits ever being something I enjoyed the taste of – they just afforded me a quicker route to Spangledville. Maybe, for that reason, I’m not the right person to be reviewing an alcohol-free spirit. It’s probably like asking my dad to review an Insane Clown Posse album. It’s never going to be a glowing review. Continue reading